Trackless Solitude III

Beneath the glistening foliage
the fruit of love hangs always near.
The one immortal fruit: He is

 or, tasted: He is here.

Love leads, and she surrenders to
His will. His waylessness of grace.
She speaks no words save his,
nor moves until he marks the place.

The Waylessness of Grace.  I invite you to pause here. Now reflect on that… The  waylessness of grace…  the first time I read the poem I didn’t even see the phrase, leastwise try to figure out what it meant. Probably I had read the poem 4 or 5 times before my “aha moment” came and its meaning penetrated my consciousness.  So intrigued, I was, about the thought and meaning of the  idea of “trackless solitude” that I didn’t even notice “waylessness of grace”.  Then one day, reading through the poem yet again,  those 3 words resonated with my heart.

There is no Bible verse that clarifies or defines the concept of the “waylessness of grace”. The more I reflected on it, I felt like this idea which had been only a spark burst into a flame! That made sense of something I had experienced but as yet remained dormant. I wanted confirmation, that what Jessica was putting into words, really was my experience so off I went to “google it”!

I did the web search only to discover that the only google references associated with these 3 words are  a whole bunch of links to the poem. Jessica may have actually coined this term itself, and to my knowledge never defined what she meant by it. In the absence of any actual definition of this concept, I have further reflected on it and today I share with you what it has become in my own life and understanding,

After we hear the call of the Spirit and we give our “yes” to Christ, we enter into this journey of discipleship. I thought I had a grasp of what that was, I will summarize in list form for you how I thought the “way of grace” should basically go in my understanding of discipleship.

1. Read your Bible and Pray every day. This is the basis of knowing Gods will.
2. Face the fact that this undertaking will not always be fun… It is a cross we are carrying here. 
3. Although this is a narrow path, don’t worry some really neat people will be there, because even though “few there are that find it” all of the elect should be right there on the path too… because we all know that there is only one way to heaven.  
4. Understand that some of what Christ requires may not make sense to you, but trust and obey anyway. 
5. Submit to your husband, because God says so, so you have to.  
6. Raise your children in the way they should go …. Nurture and admonition of the Lord, so you don’t totally mess them up.  
7. Quit Sinning!  Ok, you can’t totally quit, you are human… but make it your purpose to avoid sin, and you’re not allowed to keep your pet sins alive, because “You can’t help it”.  
8. Spend time in the church, encouraging others and being encouraged.  
9. Forgive jerks… friends too, but especially the jerks because we will be forgiven as we forgive.  
10. Pray for the rapture because getting out of here is our only hope.

I thought that basically, this is what Christ has called us to. I assumed that if you wake up in the morning, spend time in the Word and in prayer, it should all come together pretty much just fine. Then again, sometimes... maybe not so much!
 

Somehow living out of that list, although it is all true, so frequently does not seem to correlate with whether or not everything is going to "go the way that it seems like it should.” I wake up, pray and think that it probably ought to be "going a certain way", and it just doesn’t.  My kids are naughty, my husband acts weird, my friends disappoint me and what I am reading in the the Bible isn’t really saying anything that has to do with all the stuff that has to happen this week.

To me, this muddled mess, (that so often seems to be the state of my life), is the Waylessness of Grace.” I find myself in the midst of the craziness, frustrated, depressed, anxious, confused, or dare I admit it, just plain angry? My spirit cries out “NO WAY!” "This is not working." "I cannot do this, I will not survive this hurt or disappointment." "No Way!" My response isn't because I feel that God has denied me some nicely manicured primrose path. I never was under the impression that discipleship was characterized by a trip of ease where I skip along merrily.But from where I sit...I am in some cold, gloomy pathetic swamp, I'm ankle (or knee or neck deep, depending on the day) in mud I may never get out of. And even if I do, I'm guessing that I am still going to smell for days!!

How is this cold nasty bog discipleship. I look about me, utterly confused,because I was trying to do the right thing... and I am lost. I feel so clueless, where did I lose my way? I scan the horizon for a sign, some way that might seem familiar...I look for a sign, suspecting that I should be seeking a Palestinian footpath, somedusty Jerusalem road! Certain that when I find "the way of grace" it will includes crowds shouting “crucify him" on both sides, and I will be much better off… It's not so much that I imagine that I will “Like the way” but at least I’d recognize it well enough to know I was in the right spot! The certainty of it all would make it more comfortable.

There in my confusion, after I have quit my hysterical sobbing, or wiped my angry tears away, and quieted the incessant murmuring of my heart, when I look right into his eyes,  He meets my gaze and points to the spot.  Gently, He says, “Yes, right here Karina. Right here in this cold, ugly, spot is exactly where I want you today. Lean in to my grace. My grace is right here for you, and it is the way.  The way isn’t the path… the way is actually the grace itself.  My grace… Me… I am the Way.”